It’s difficult to ask anybody, “How are you?” without hearing the word busy” somewhere in their response. We feel overwhelmed by busyness because of the demands of our time: our inbox, our to-do list are bulging, a huge amount of people expect things from us and our organisations are trying to do more with fewer people.
THE JOY OF FULL ATTENTION
Real joy requires full, undiluted attention, and that’s something we’re not in the habit of doing: we don’t practise being totally present. When we “have a moment” we fill it with the help of our smart phone. We top up experiences with more stimulation; we multitask for pleasure as well as for productivity. We surf the Internet or look it Facebook while speaking on the phone. We tweet while watching TV. We email while playing with the kids. In losing our ability to go deep into the moment, our moments are no longer enough for us in themselves without artificial additives. Unless we regain the ability to notice, to savour, we will be sucked evermore into unrewarding and unsustainable busyness.
Stop for a moment and recall your best moments over the last few weeks. Without exception these will be the times when you shone the flashlight of your attention fully on to something, when you dived into the moment and were fully present. Improving your happiness and your well-being doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does require us o recognise that attention-splicing undermines our focus, weakens our ability to fully experience joy, and squanders our three seconds.
A life of high octane busyness can diminish our ability to stop , to feel and to do. Through busyness we vacate our three seconds, leaving behind only the husks of split, stretched and partial attention.
THIS BUSINESS OF “FIXING” PEOPLE
There are some who believe that people can be fixed. Such people believe there must be a formula. A cure. Some instant solution that will remedy their problem, either with themselves or someone else. Well, in case you hadn’t noticed, people are not machines. A car or a computer may need a faulty part replacing before it’s functioning again, but people are a little more complex. And as soon as you start to “fix” people or “fix” yourself you’re in trouble.
The problem is we’re so used to getting “things” fixed we start believe that we can do so with people. The reality is very different.
Helplines and instruction manuals can help us sort our problems with our phones or assembling flat-pack furniture. But there are no instruction manuals when it comes to dealing with people. Religions may lay out guidelines and principles to live by, but not step by step instructions. If there were such a manual, it would have to be a very thick one.
Past experiences often act like chains on the present and future. Early impressions become lasting impressions. Habits work themselves into ruts. A mental attitude that “It can’t be done” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy
Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn’t, it affects their attitude and their performance. Proactive people carry their own weather with them. Whether it rains or shines, it makes no difference to them.
Nothing destroys trust faster than making a promise than making and breaking a promise. Conversely, nothing builds trust more than keeping a promise.
Be a light, not a judge. Be a model, not a critic.
Management works in the system; leadership works on the system.
Some leaders are into “mushroom management”: “Keep people in the dark, pile lots of manure on them, and when they are fully ripe, cut off their heads and can them”.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing themselves to speak. They’re filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people’s lives.
You can be a transition person – a change for the better between the past and the future. A negative tendency that’s run through your family for generations can stop with you. And your own change can affect many lives downstream.
LAW OF IMPARTATION:The greatest influence on our children will be who we really are.
IN GENERAL CHILDREN WILL:
Imitate who we are not who we say we are.
Follow what we do, not what we talk about doing.
Rebel against all sham and hypocrisy
Be actively seeking role models.
Chairman In the late 18th century, only one chair is on display in the large hall. The head of the household sat on this seat whilst all the others sat on the floor. A large folded board would be pulled out of the wall and everyone remain seated to dine. When a very important guest was around, he was given the chair. Hence the most important man, the one in control was given the title of Chairman.
Gossip Politicians operating before 20th century who required feedback, sent their assistants to the pubs. They were ordered to “go, sip ale” in order to listen to the complaints and concerns of the common people. Their bosses dispatched them to go and sip here and there. Go sip became gossip.
Cost an arm and a leg President George Washington was often painted standing, with one arm behind his back and both legs covered by his desk. Artists charged by how many limbs were to be painted. Painting arms and legs would cost the subject “an arm and a leg.”