A Time to Laugh May 2019


The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the cattle in pieces and laid it upon the altar. And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar.

He had them do this four times.

“Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the cattle on the altar?”

A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. “To make the gravy.”

A man and his wife were checking out of their hotel. They discovered that they were charged for a fresh basket of fruit put in the room every day of their stay

The man queried the manager, “How can you charge us for fresh fruits we never ate from any basket any day?”  

The manager said, “It’s not my fault you did not eat. The fruits were there.”

Then the man took the bill and subtracted $150 from it.”

The manager was irate and asked, “What on earth are you doing?”

The man said, “I’m charging you $50 a day for kissing my wife.”

“But I did not kiss your wife!”

The husband stated, “That’s not my fault. She was there.”

A doctor after a physical examination of his patient remarked, “I can’t tell precisely what’s wrong with you.

I think it must be the effects of alcohol.”

The patient without hesitation told the doctor, “It’s Okay doctor. I’ll return when you are sober.”

A College student delivered a pizza to a stingy old man’s home. 

“I guess you expect me to tip you,” said the grumpy old man.

“That would be very nice” the student replied. And he continued, “The other guy who delivered pizza to you told me not to expect much from you. I would be lucky to receive 25 cents from you.”

The old man was offended by what he heard. “To prove him wrong, here’s $5 tip for you.”

“Thank you. I’ll put it into my college fund.”

“What are you studying?” the old man inquired.

“Applied psychology.”


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