A drunk with lipstick stains on his face and a half bottle of gin in his coat was sitting next to the Priest on the London Underground. At first, he was reading the free newspaper and then he asked the man of God, “Can you please tell me what causes Rheumatoid Arthritis?
The priest thought it was a marvellous opportunity to lecture the drunk on morality and sin. “Well, Mister, it’s caused by loose living with immoral women and consuming too much alcohol.”
The man exclaimed, “I’ll be damned!” and started reading his paper again. The priest felt somewhat embarrassed, nudged the drunk and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come out that strong. How long have you had rheumatic arthritis?” “I don’t have it, Father. I read the Pope has it.” ☺
A married couple went to the movies. They watched a film with many passionate kissing scenes. During one of those scenes, the wife elbowed her husband, “How I wish you would kiss me like the lead actor kissing his lover.” The husband shot back, “Do you know how much he is paid to do it?” ☺
The President was walking outside the White House when a tourist couple approached him with a camera and said, “Mr President, we’re sorry that this is a huge imposition, but would you mind?” The President straightened his tie and replied, “Of course not.” So they gave him their camera and posed in front of the White House.” ☺