Angry Mother

Dear Goldie & Tek,

My Christian friend has a son who used to be a godly Christian but now has committed adultery and divorced his Christian wife. She has been telling her beloved son that God will punish him in hell but he does not want to obey God and has even set a September wedding date. He tells his mother he deserves to be happy since he no longer loves his ex-wife though he loves their 4 young children. My friend feels so troubled and angry about this situation and often asks for prayers- she does not want to attend the wedding and she does not even want the new daughter-in-law- to- be to call her “Mom” or even “Auntie”. The son is “scared” of her godly stand and their mother-son relationship is estranged.  How should I advise my friend? If she shows Christian love to the new wife, is that compromising and not upholding God’s word? She is in a dilemma!  Christine

Dear Christine,

I pity the mother’s broken heart seeing her son ignoring the way of the Lord, divorcing his wife and ending a marriage which doubtless will be very hurtful for the kids.

I believe that she must have tried hard to intervene in his mistaken path way before it has come to this stage. Apparently she is now adopting a hard line, warning him of the  consequence of going his own way.  Seemingly this does not seem to change her son’s errant behaviour. The more she intimidates and threatens, the more their relationship will suffer and the further they will grow apart. So I wish to suggest another approach. Follow the way of the loving father who extended his unconditional love to his prodigal son in Jesus’ parable. She can tell the couple that she does not condone their ungodly decision but she would still love them.

Her attitude

As she is so angry at the moment, she needs to deal with her attitude first before anything else. She must confess her anger and ask God to forgive her. Then she needs to forgive her son. Having obeyed Jesus’ instructions to release forgiveness and receive forgiveness, she can then pray for the people concerned – the prayer of a righteous person (which she will be after doing this) is powerful.  She must not use worldly ways anymore, like scolding, rejecting, ostracizing, etc. Rather use godly ways like love, help, kindness, thoughtfulness, etc. She has already made her reasons for disapproving clear – they know her Christian principles are against adultery, divorce, selfishness, breaking marriage vows, etc. Her disapproval does not mean she must now have nothing to do with them. Accepting them is not necessarily linked to approval of their actions.  She doesn’t have to approve of what they do but she must do what Jesus said – to love them. Jesus commanded love even for enemies. I suggest she explains this to the family and ask God for wisdom what He wants her to do to show acceptance, love, kindness, help, etc.

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One of the things she should ask those who pray for her is that she follows what Paul advised,  “ not let any unwholesome words come out of your mouth but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Eph.4:29.  Her words can destroy but also heal. No doubt she will find it difficult to speak godly words and do godly actions but “God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” Phil.2:13 (NLT). She will do it not with her natural ability but with God’s supernatural resources. You can support her in prayer that she will do what Jesus would do. Goldie & Tek

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