A Time to Laugh February 2019

Introducing Special Speakers:

Tonight I’m not going to bore you with a long rambling speech, but I’m going to introduce a man who will.
Now I have the privilege of introducing my Boss. He’s without doubt the greatest boss. That’s not only my opinion but it’s his too.
Through the years, our speaker has always taken the road less travelled. Some says that he’s independent, daring and adventurous. His wife says it’s because he never asks for directions.

Gold Toilet Bowl?

Two teenagers – Fred and Joe met after school. Fred excitedly told his friend, “I was at an awesome party last night. The guy had a toilet made of pure gold.” “No way!” Joe replied. “OK, if you don’t believe let’s go and check it out.” Arriving at the house, Fred rang the door- bell. A woman opened the door and Fred eagerly asked, “’I’m sorry to bother you. There was a party here last night and my friend here does not believe you have a toilet bowl made of pure gold.” The lady looked at him and yelled, “Roger, the pig that poohed in your trombone is here.”

Once Shaved, Always Shaved?

Frank went to his local barber for his monthly shave and haircut.

But one day the barber was ill.

So, the barber’s wife Grace took over.

Frank noticed over subsequent weeks that his hair was not growing.

The barber, a Bible-believing Christian explained, “When you are shaved by Grace” he said, “Once shaved, always shaved.”

Frog Legs?

A guest arrives at a restaurant and decides to order a meal. “Do you have frog legs?” The waiter answers, “No, that’s the way I walk.”

New Car or New Wife.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. Attributed to Prince Phillip.

The Talking Parrot.

Lady: I want to return this parrot that my husband bought me.

Parrot Seller: What’s wrong? She’s our best talking parrot.

Lady: Yes, but she keeps interrupting me!

$100 Parrot.

A bird enthusiast was eager to bid for a parrot at an auction. He began with the opening bid – $40 but someone else bid $50. Then he raised his next bid to $60 but someone else bid $70. When he next bid $80, someone shouted, $90. He was so determined to buy that parrot and finally his bid for $120 was accepted. “I’ve paid a lot of money for that parrot. I hope he can talk.” “Of course, he can,” replied the auctioneer. “Who do you think was bidding against you?”

Smart Cow?

A farmer and his cow were walking through a field when he kicked a stone. He tripped and gashed his head against a rock and bled profusely. The cow dragged him to a shady spot and walked to the village to seek help. An hour later a rescue team headed by a doctor arrived and the farmer was saved.

The following day, the farmer was relating this story to his friends. One said, “Wow! That must be the smartest cow in the whole world.”

The farmer replied, “I don’t think it’s that smart. It came back with the Vet”.



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